I Will Never Be Complete Again

I lost a friend today. A good, good friend. We had been together for close to a decade. Back in 1999, we were introduced by my then girlfriend at Christmas, and right away, we both knew that we would become inseperable. My girlfriend knew that we’d get along; I was a bowling fan, and he was a professional. How could we not mesh? We stuck together so much that some began to think that it was unhealthy, maybe even uncleanly. “No two things should ever be that close to one another. Before you know it, you won’t be able to tell one from the other!” the naysayers would argue. But we didn’t listen, we continued on with our very intimate ways.

Speaking of intimate moments, he was most helpful when it came to women. I always made sure my friend wasn’t far away when I was with a girl. He was my go-to guy, always helping me out with the ladies. When I wasn’t confident, he boosted my ego. When I wasn’t on my “game,” he gave me a leg up. Without him, I would have been lost. He was my Cerano de Bergerac, saying everything I couldn’t. If I had to rely on someone else like him, I surely would have failed, gone home unloved, feeling ugly and impotent.

In the end, maybe those naysayers were right. I hate to admit it, but all the evidence points in that direction. Our relationship grew strained over time; the threads of our connection began to tear and rip. He began to look more and more weary. Perhaps he had grown tired of taking care of me, of cradling my every worry, of covering up my shame. I saw this all happening, I just refused to accept it. I kept using him, week in and week out, thinking, “He’ll never leave me. We’ve gone through too much together.” Well, I guess today was finally the breaking point. I called his number, knowing that I need his help later in the night, and well, before I could even let him shine, he broke things off completely, ending his own life right before my eyes.

I’ll miss him. This is without question, I will miss him. Can he be replaced? Well, probably, but will it be the same? Not even close. He was my number one wingman, and anyone that follows in his wake will be found wanting. I can only blame myself here. No one wants to be taken for granted. So this is my advice to you, my dear readers: Do not lose sight at what is truly important to you. Don’t put too much pressure on those that choose to help you. Allow them to breath on their own, and then, hopefully, they will never leave you.

I’ll miss you, buddy

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