Here I sit, watching the Cubs, repeatedly jabbing a fork into my left thigh, and I’m wondering, “How in the hell is this worth it?” I feel like throwing up, or breaking something expensive. Maybe break a lamp and then vomit on it.
This is not normal behavior. A grown man should not be softly grumbling violent ramblings over 9 guys wearing matching outfits. A fly on the wall would think me loony, if not just kind of sad, like a clown with genuine tears flowing over his paint tears. (Wow, another Dodger home run……really?)
Anyway, I don’t want to think about this anymore, so let’s move on to something a little sunnier, sparkier:
Here is a no miss prescription for uncontrollable anger:
Take 1 Puppy Hug
Call me in the morning
And don’t worry, it’s over the counter. You can find them nearly anywhere. Even a generic will do, like a pug or this guy. For those with allergies, let me suggest that you suck it up, Dorothy. Hug that puppy or shut the f$%k up, learn to buck…..up?
And really, how can I be in a bad mood when I saw the shaggy dog known as Ray Lamontagne last night? Like at that adorable bastard:
His music is like having someone whisper into your ear, going, “Ain’t you just a peach.” Now is not the time to be grumpy. Getting all pissy about some guy wearing plastic over his testicles hitting a ball really far seems silly when there are puppies and bearded men from Maine to hug. Priorities are important.