Recently, I’ve seen a lot of commercials for Kay Jewelers featuring Jane Seymour. You know, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman?
She’s there to promote her new line of diamond jewelry. It’s something about “open hearts,” about giving love, receiving love, etc. At Kay’s website, we can learn that Ms. Seymour designed these pieces herself, and that she is hopeful to make her open heart design “a universal symbol for hope and love.” This is to be commended, I believe. Anytime someone creates with the hope their life’s work can bring people together, I put my hands together and say, “Good show.”
But my problem with this particular design, I believe, should be pretty obvious to anyone. I’m completely baffled that this image made it all the way through the company without one person saying, “Wait a tick, what does that look like to you?” Hell, how did Jane herself not realize what she had done? Just take a look and try and tell me I’m crazy here:
I’m not wrong here. I’m just not. Right there, dangling from your neck, is a pair of testicles. End of story. This has to be a practical joke. If this were all connected to something like breast cancer awareness, then maybe I would think it’s legitimate. But it’s not, as far as I can find, no charity or organization is connected to this promotion. Therefore, this is a gag, a hoax, a trick, some tomfoolery, shenanigans, a whole bunch of ballyhoo. Somewhere, a room full of billionaire diamond barons are laughing heartily, knowing they convinced thousands of people to wear a set of balls on a chain. I say good work, you rogues. You may have fooled the rest of the world, but you do not fool me. If there’s one I thing I know, it’s testicles. Wait…