New Feature!

While watching the Grammy’s a few months back (Who the fuck are The Suburbs?!?), I came to the realization that I have no idea what the majority of my favorite musicians look like. This struck me when the guy from Mumford and Sons showed up looking like Run-the-Option Jesus. This was supposed to be some grizzled dude with inhuman teeth, like Shane MacGowen, not somebody that could snag some crazy hot starlet ish.

Why am I so unaware of the mugs that go with the talent? It’s a combination of laziness, anxiety, and laziness. I download albums, so I never see covers or booklets; I don’t go to shows, because crowds make me go all Howard Hughes, minus the peeing in jars; and I honestly, genuinely, (love) indubitably do not care if these people are hotties or notties. The music is what’s important; not if the guy from Grizzly Bear looks like Gomer Pyle (shazam!).

Born from this almost-not-boring insight is a new only-fun-for-me game, where I’ll try to guess what a musician looks like. It’s a little something I like to call (quick, Matthew, think of a name)……something I like to call………uh…….. Face the Music? Yeah, put a face to that music. Nice job, asshole.

Today’s mastermind of choice is Stephin Merritt of The Magnetic Fields.


With his sardonic lyricism and deep baritone, I picture someone needlessly tall, wearing a dark, pinstripe suit. He’s the Tim Burton of songwriting – his stories are dark, but strangely upbeat. He’s a perfect gentleman that might just be an amateur taxidermist. My guess is he’s a shockingly pale giant with a receding hairline (way harsh, Tai).

So was I right?

……………………………..

……………………………

………………………….

………………………..

………………………

…………………….

…………………..

………………….

………………..

………………

…………….

…………..

…………

……….

……..

……

….

..

.


Wow, not far off:

Pale, almost dead: Check

Receding hairline/bald: Check

Holding a possible corpse dog: Check

The only part I got wrong was his height – he appears to be the exact opposite of a giant. I couldn’t find an accurate number, but some list him as around 5 feet tall. That’s like Prince small. Here he is getting dwarfed by Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman:


We’ve got ourselves a David Sedaris that morphed into a Paul Giamatti. Man, this just makes too much sense. Way to be typical, Merritt. Now it looks like this game I invented for msyelf is too easy. Be Sufjan-level good looking next time, dickbag.

Sorry, that was mean. We still bros? Because I’m totally into being bros.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under face the music

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s